The sun shone into the hall as I stepped out. It was an autumn day. I had my finest shoes on \u2013 the ground was dry \u2013 it hadn\u2019t rained for a long time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Most of the trees were now circles, at least it was a shape one could recognize \u2013 yesterday they were more blurred, though I still recognized them. They had also stopped speaking \u2013 that was nice, thoughts are usually enough. Or the neighbor\u2019s chatter. At least one can understand him, even if it\u2019s banal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I wave to the garden. Through it all, we are still the dearest of friends.
Shopping can be a problem if you don\u2019t know what you want. I\u2019d rather not get paralyzed at the freezer section. There\u2019s a humming that I like \u2013 a tone at 50 oscillations per second. The overtones sing in harmony and disharmony, I sing along with it. Stuck.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But today I know. An acquaintance is talking to another person. They speak in another language and her face takes on another form \u2013 a dark form. I must remember that it is the same object I recall speaking my language. Then her face returned. When the feedback works, I see better. My shape is sometimes clearer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Today I know how I look. There was a time. Time? When I didn\u2019t know that. Now I see the mirror. Oh, what clear days I have. Then the trees shine green, their branches and leaves build so beautifully.
Cracks can be my enemy \u2013 my fascination with them never ends.
Oh right. I was supposed to shop. I know. I buy my dinner and go home. I went home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When the feelings connect in the field, my body responds. Many believe they have bodies. That\u2019s okay. How else would they understand that they exist. So many new feelings \u2013 when they look at me now I see their desire and my body responds. It used to be so locked up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I see a strand of hair on the bed. It\u2019s probably mine. It turns into spider legs. Funny. I watch how they move. I should look away \u2013 but I\u2019m fascinated by how they move at all. Because I know it doesn\u2019t move, yet they move. If I close my eyes and change the position of my head, it\u2019s just a hair again.
I see some people doing something. I don\u2019t remember what it was. It probably wasn\u2019t important \u2013 maybe it was important. But I remember the meta-thought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
One must not be lazy when observing a behavior. So easy that what you\u2019ve seen then becomes understood. I eat too much food so as not to have to be lazy. Look again. Not understand. Understand.
Not understanding is the greatest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To understand clouds my eyes and then the wrong feelings come because it kind of searches down into an architecture, an abyss. I shall understand it. Because I feel it. But it\u2019s like other colors I\u2019ve never seen before on them. And the shapes so hard to capture, but it works (it is done) sometimes when time (perception) slows down.
When did this happen?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In the water I took God\u2019s hand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then I could navigate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For God did not judge so I could see my house \u2013 all the rooms at once.The self cracked. It was so lonely when it had nothing. A small seed \u2013 and when it wasn\u2019t weighed down by other energy it was the smallest I had ever seen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When the self thought about the self it cracked \u2013 and the universe was there in imbalance. It was the word. I am not a murderer, but I have stolen. I will stop stealing. I no longer exist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It became clearer.
I stroke the fabric of the sofa.
I no longer know.
I no longer know.
I no longer know.
I know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I cook my dinner.
A friend is visiting,
So simple it is.
The systems speak, are remodulated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I. Me. I. Me. I.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I breathe. In. Out.
Who am I talking to?
so nice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I do the dishes before bedtime.
Tomorrow I will buy an autumn jacket.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Credits:
Author: Hans \u00c5kerman
Machine translate (swe->eng) from:
https:\/\/hansakerman.se\/?p=2282<\/a>
Editing by: Nikita Dudnik
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